just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
