I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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