You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
