just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
