I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
