Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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