A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
