So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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