never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
