I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
