Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
