I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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