he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
