Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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