I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
