I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
