We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
