You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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