You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
