who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
