after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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