Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
