i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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