does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
