I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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