Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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