My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
