awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
