My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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