I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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