whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
