OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
