he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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