im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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