youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
