I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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