Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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