capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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