I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
