Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
