hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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