I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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