My nipple is on Facebook.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
