For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
