i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
