my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
