Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
