You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
