The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I would ride that face into the sunset
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
