That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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