I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
