I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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