i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
